He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
