dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
