sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
