in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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