I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize