i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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