some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
