Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
