I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Banned from zoo.
Again?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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