tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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