We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
