sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
