Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize