i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
