well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
