Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
