Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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