I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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