eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
