I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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