Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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