Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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