I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
