from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
