Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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