I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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