did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
