last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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