I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
