Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
