I puked a lego.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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