You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
