Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
