I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
