I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
