I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
