shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
