you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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