I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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