Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't turn off my feet"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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