Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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