Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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