I cockslap morals
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
