I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
