Whod you bang
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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