there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
