I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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