WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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