"it" just moved
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
