biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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