it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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