did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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