im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
