i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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