i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
