I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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