I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her vagine was all disorganized.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
