You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
