i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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