oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
