At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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