What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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