Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
