it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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