is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
