Swine flu. Run for my life!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
