My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
