either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
