I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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