Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
