I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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