it hurts more in the daytime
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
