some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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