so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
