no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
