Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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