Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
