so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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