does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
