theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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