worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you would pick up someone in the library
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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