Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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